We at Faith-Centered Mentoring and More get excited about intentional mentoring or what we like to call “mentoring with a purpose.” Another of our our favorite mentoring ideas is that mentees should take the lead in or drive their mentoring relationships.

In an earlier article, we asked potential mentees to choose Competences (areas of experience, expertise, knowledge, and skills) and Character Markers (how they’d like to be as people) with which they would like assistance. We also asked potential mentors to similarly indicate their current strengths and emerging strengths. Those selections can shape mentoring relationships and probably make the actual mentoring more efficient and successful.

When a mentee chooses to concentrate on strengthening his or her character to become more like that of Jesus Christ, here are a few ideas that might help the mentoring connection.

1. Establish trust

Revealing one’s character strengths requires considerable trust. Talking about character growth areas requires even more. A mentee and mentor should move slowly and carefully to build trust in each other.

2. Have a discussion about character

If the mentee doesn’t bring up the topic of character, a mentor might initiate a discussion of it: what it is, what he or she admires in others (including this mentee), the character strengths or development areas the mentor is working on.

3. Choose one character area on which to work in the relationship

Mentees have numerous character strengths and growth areas. A mentee might want to enhance a strength or use it more often. Or he/she might want to address an area that’s a difficulty or struggle. Mentors and mentees should take time to find out. (See the Thriving article for a practical mentee character exercise.)

4. Determine some current and desired “behavioral indicators”

One way to measure character is to identify actions or “behavioral indicators” that demonstrate a particular character Marker. The pair can discuss obvious, observable signs of that Marker as a strength or as a development area. How will both know that the mentee, for example, is becoming more honest? He/She:

• Tells a truth in situations that normally he/she would not
• Admits something that he/she has been hiding or trying to overlook
• Asks others for corrective feedback and receives it non-defensively

5. Assess where the mentee is now

Once the mentor and mentee decide on what’s “good,” “strong,” or even “in progress,” they can figure out how the mentee rates now on that Character Marker. They might even assign a number (such as a 4 on a 10-point scale) for now and another number (perhaps an 8 or 9) for where the mentee would like to be in several months or a year.

6. Pick possible development experiences

Finally, the mentor and mentee can choose some experiences that will develop the mentee. They can be creative and intentional as they brainstorm learning possibilities. For the Marker honesty illustrated above, they could consider roleplaying, reading and discussing a good book on the Marker (such as Integrity by Henry Cloud), and/or set up an experiment for the mentee to try. Next, they should build a Character Development Plan aimed at one or more specific targets.

Character assessment and development are among the most meaningful activities that mentors and mentees can pursue. Write to us (CARS@faithmentoringandmore.com) and let us know how your character is growing.

For more ideas on being an effective mentor, see What We Offer and our Archive.