The Bible contains numerous references to forgiveness. For example, in His Sermon on the Mount, Jesus said: “For if you forgive men for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions” (Matthew 6:14-15).

That’s one mighty imperative! It includes a benefit of forgiving…and a penalty for not forgiving.

What’s really involved in forgiving and being forgiven? When do you typically forgive? Receive forgiveness? Perhaps you’ve never stopped to give these issues much thought. Undoubtedly, however, you’ve felt victimized or deeply hurt by someone. At times you may also have been the hurter—on purpose or inadvertently.

We want to challenge you to search the scriptures on forgiveness, review several options, and seek God’s guidance to deepening and otherwise improving your forgiveness knowledge, feelings, and actions. We believe this will help you thrive in all areas of your life as you pursue God’s vision for you.

The Greek words translated as “forgive” in the New Testament mean to send forth, send away, to remit or completely cancel debts and sins (Vine’s Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words) and/or a putting aside or putting away completely and unreservedly (International Standard Bible Encyclopedia). When we follow biblical commands, we accept God’s forgiveness of us and we go on to forgive one another.

The “Forgiveness Progression”

A typical forgiveness progression ideally starts with love—your own toward the person, if possible—but if you can’t muster that, God’s love flowing through you as if through a conduit to the person. This enables forgiving to occur. Forgiveness leads either to reconciliation of the relationship or to an acceptable separation in which you and the other “agree to disagree.” Having done all to treat the relationship with honor, you feel a genuine sense of peace. Because of this you enjoy thriving in many or all areas of your life.

The Bible’s message on forgiveness is clear: Just do it! So why do most of us struggle with obedience in this area? Can you remember any instances in which you either delayed forgiving or receiving forgiveness from someone? Why did you do this?

Here’s a partial list of reasons why we often procrastinate on forgiveness. How do they apply to your experience?

• Fear of our offenders, which causes us to distance ourselves from them.
• Pride that forces us to try to save face or protect our egos.
• Blaming others to avoid accepting blame ourselves.
• Not accepting the command that because we’re forgiven by our Heavenly Father, we should forgive each other.
• Lacking forgiveness skills and simply not knowing how to proceed.
• Unresolved issues that we never settled with someone, baggage which blocks our attempts to forgive.
• Feelings of futility because our past forgiveness attempts didn’t bring peace.

The “Non-forgiveness Progression”

When we don’t forgive, we pay the consequences. There’s a non-forgiveness progression as well. If you’ve been hurt by someone and forgiveness hasn’t taken place, you’ll start to feel resentment toward the person. You’ll hold onto the hurt and resentment, probably finding things that he/she does that irritate and even anger you. Chances are you’ll become convinced that not forgiving is the solution. This causes you to pull away, creating more separation between the two of you and maybe even between you and God. Bitterness sets in, eating away at your spiritual, physical, intellectual, emotional, and social health and well-being. In the worst case, you’re barely surviving, which goes on to intensify the hurt.

The Bible doesn’t mince words about the end-state called “bitterness.” Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice (Ephesians 4:31). We don’t believe this is possible until we regularly and willingly forgive and seek forgiveness. Next month we’ll suggest some proactive steps to take in a forgiveness journey. Meanwhile, for more information on this topic, check our Products.