One of the many
descriptions of Jesus is "The One Who Listens." He modeled
effective listening as He paid close attention to His disciples,
other followers, and even His antagonists. He now listens to us
and intervenes for us with the Father. Christians are called to
follow in His footsteps and learn to respond to people as He did.
Listening actively is the most basis people-helping skill; the
other skills build on, and require, it. When you listen well,
you demonstrate to others that their concerns have been heard
and understood. As a result, they feel accepted by you,
and trust builds.
Listening is more than hearing. Effective
listening includes hearing, recognizing, interpreting, and comprehending.
It's an activity of the ears, eyes, heart, and intellect. The
good news is that since listening is a skill, it can be improved
by training. You can learn to be a better listener. When talking
with your helper or helpee, try incorporating some of these suggestions:
- Give your full attention to
the other person. Listen with your ears, eyes, heart, and intellect.
Resist the impulse always to turn the conversation to your
experiences and opinions and to find immediate solutions
to problems you may be hearing. Listen carefully first; problem
solve later. If your partners have a habit of immediate problem
solving, see if you can help them be better listeners and problem
explorers.
- Keep an open mind. Try to be
honestly interested in what the other person is saying, and
be ready to have your own ideas challenged or even changed.
Be willing to consider concepts that don't seem compatible with
yours. Consciously decide to remove any biases, negative attitudes
toward the speaker or the subject, strong counter-opinions,
self-centeredness, or expectations. Give the person time to
make his/her point before jumping in with your objections.
- Seek clarification. If you don't
know what the other person is talking about, say so at the first
opportunity. Listen to the clarification, and if you need further
expansion, say so. Make sure you're both focusing on the same
thing.
- Try to identify feelings. If
your partner is expressing feelings, try to understand what
he/she is actually feeling. Probe gently, not intrusively, until
you do understand. If necessary, tell your partner you're trying
to better understand what he/she is feeling.
- Listen to one person at a time.
If you're in a group and more than one person is talking at
a time, select one to listen to fully rather than giving part
of your attention to each speaker.
- Listen to nature. Work at improving
your listening skills by seeking quiet times when you can really
listen to nature. See how much more keenly you'll discriminate
among noises in your environment, and how you'll learn to appreciate
silence.
- Listen to God. Create space
in your life to listen to God. Study the Bible, seek His guidance
in prayer and meditation, and listen to the counsel of trusted
Christian friends and clergy.
For more ideas on being a skilled people-helper,
see our Archive and What
We Offer. |
